girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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