and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
