haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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