Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
