no, he came in my armpit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
