So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
