we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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