I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
