I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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