I must be too annoying 4 u.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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