I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
