Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
