i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
