i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
