I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
