I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You took a bar mat shot.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
