It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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