just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
