I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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