oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
