I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
