I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
