Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
