I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
