Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i came on her dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
