I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
