you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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