wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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