She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
