After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
