I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize