Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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