Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
