me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
