Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
