you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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