She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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