i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
