Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
