a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
