He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
