I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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