i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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