How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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