I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
