Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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