she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
