He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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