He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
