I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My cat gives me a boner
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
