i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
