you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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