i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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