if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
