I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
