i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
