Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
