Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize