where am i from again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
