is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
