No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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