Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
