ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
