There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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