I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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