Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
