She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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