I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
