Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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