Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
