He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Houston, we have a squirter
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
