How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she smelled like a LAN party
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
