her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
