once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
