she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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