I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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