9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
