Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
