I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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