Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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