very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh god it's open bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
